Secrets Never Keep
by penny1200
Summary: Based on my M rated Puck/Rachel darkfic "A Debt Owed".  This is just a short look at Santana's feelings about the events in that story.


Spoilers: Mostly just my story "A Debt Owed".

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Also, the song included is "Bleeding Me" by Godsmack.

A/N: This very short story is based on my M rated darkfic "A Debt Owed". For those of you who read it, I felt like Santana got the short end of the stick (well, both her and Finn, but Finn got his say in the other story), so I decided to take a look at her feelings about the events in that story. This is the first time I've ever written from Santana's POV, so I'd love to know what you guys think. Keep in mind, this is a futurefic, so there will have been development to her character in the intervening years. Please read and review! Thanks!

_Way, way down inside  
There's a hollow soul  
An emptiness shatters tomorrow_

And I find it hard to breathe  
For me in your company  
Seems I've been taken for granted

Santana Lopez's life had turned into a fucking joke. To think that the hottest girl at McKinley High would be reduced to the role of pathetic cheated-on wife was like a nightmare come true.

Everyone knew that wasn't a role she would play. She was supposed to be married to someone hot, rich, and famous; it was the least she deserved. Instead, she was married to Noah Puckerman, who only fit one of those qualities.

She was actually happy with Puck for a while; they weren't cheating on each other. The thought of marrying him was even okay.

But then Rachel fucking Berry had come back to Lima.

_And you're breaking me  
And bleeding me down to nothing  
It's tearing me down_

You're breaking me  
And bleeding me down to nothing  
Yeah

When Puck told her that Finn was back in town and had brought Rachel Berry with him, she had known that her relationship was as good as dead. That freak had always had a hold on him.

Oh, they thought she didn't know that there was more to their flirting than harmless fun. Of course, that made them fucking idiots. Santana knew all of the signs of cheating; she had broken up more relationships than a hot Hollywood nanny. So, she just waited for the moment that all of the flirting turned into action.

_Maybe, this time  
Baby, it's meant to be  
No more suffocating you or me  
Oh, yeah_

And I paid the price  
But you're sentencing me to life  
And I feel I bought in my time

Santana had been in Cincinatti to visit Brittany, and when she came back, she knew that they'd screwed. Any time they were around each other after that, they acted like two people who shared a dark secret. She knew what that looked like; it was the same way she and Mike had acted around each other after he'd seen her at his mom's rape support group senior year.

And when Rachel came up pregnant...

It was just so much fucking irony that history was repeating itself all over again.

_And you're breaking me  
And bleeding me down to nothing  
It's tearing me down_

You're breaking me  
And bleeding me down to nothing  
Again

So, why did Santana marry Puck, knowing about how badly he had screwed up? Honestly, she had nothing better to do. It wasn't like Lima had any better options and at least the sex was good with Puck. Santana still needed something warm to lie on top of, and he was the best choice. Plus, if she had turned down his proposal, he would have dumped her.

There were two problems with that. First, nobody dumped Santana Lopez - she ditched them. Second, she would be damned if she'd let Rachel Berry have him. Even though she didn't seem to want him anymore, Santana knew that if he was free, he'd go after her. And Manhands was too weak to resist him.

_Oh, you're breaking me  
And bleeding me again  
You're bleeding me, you're bleeding me_

And you're breaking me  
And bleeding me down to nothing  
You're tearing me down

When Santana learned that she couldn't have kids, things changed. She had never thought she'd want kids, but knowing that she couldn't have them suddenly made her desperately want to be a mom. She would watch Puck with his daughter Lacey, and she would smile and pretend to be happy. It tore her up inside that Puck and Rupaul had something together that she'd never have.

Lacey called her Aunt Santana, but Santana couldn't help but hate the child. The little girl represented not only everything that she couldn't have but also the pathetic mess that was her life.

Santana knew that something would have to change. She wasn't going to let any asshole break her.

_You're breaking me  
And bleeding me down to nothing  
You're tearing me, tearing me down again_

Tearing me down again  
You're breaking me  
And bleeding me

At Lacey's third birthday party, Santana smiled and laughed and played with the toddler that she could barely stand to look at.

Internally, she also smiled as she thought about the appointment she had with the attorney tomorrow. She was going to bring Rachel and Puck's lies down on top of them when she filed for divorce.

And she was going to enjoy doing it.

_Bleeding me again_


End file.
